maybe...maybe not?

It has been a while....Christian and I are back together....I never could stay away from him..He is my entire world...And I miss him right now, even if it is 1:30 in the morning...I guess for me, it's been tough but for him I guess things are ok. I keep feeling like I'm the one screwing up and hurting him, but he keeps promising me that, that's not how it is and that everything is alright...but if everything is alright then why didn't he call me back when he said he would?? Maybe it is just me, maybe I am just starting to go crazy...I am in love with Christian, i know that...but maybe I'm that crazy girlfriend....I promised him i would do better, that I would change what I needed change, just for HIM....Although he reassures me that I don't need to change, but he keeps telling me that i worry and that i do it too much so i said i would fix it, but he told me there was no need to do so... He promises me a life together, and everyday I hold on to that...otherwise i don't think i could make it through...That boy has been my rock through everything...I'm scared of course, scared that I might lose him...scared that i could screw everything up like i always do...Scared that he will find better, because it's possible...there is always someone better then me....and they could be better for him and make him more happy then i can...he deserves to be happy deserves to have a goo girl....but i don't think another girl could love him more than I could....of course she could try, but there is no love like the love I have for Christian..No girl could out do me there, maybe in looks, in talents, or anything else, but I love that boy more than anything and no one could out do that...I know that for a fact....I can't say these things to him, because then he will stress and I will get bad end of the stick, like i am now....he works of course and I am trying to get used to the fact I don't see or talk to him all the time anymore....I just want him to know he is wanted but when i got on the phone with him yesterday I guess i went to far and his mother felt i was making him more frustrated so i got off the phone with him and cried....cried for a whole night, non-stop....don't ask me why i kept crying, i just couldn't quit....Then today i called again and tried to be better, like i promised....but it seemed he didn't notice...but of course he said he was tired and then he told me there was nothing to say, so we said goodbye and hung up....i pondered on it for a while, then slept it off for about an hour...woke up and waited for him to call....i know it seems like I'm desperate, and maybe I am, but I won't let him know....I can't....anyway, he did call again...just hearing his voice made me smile....to some it may not be a lot, to me it was enough to get me through....All that matters is that he is ok....this world doesn't matter to me, i would give it all just to breathe same air as him...But i guess that's all for now....until next time