Vriendin K. en hulp als een machtsmiddel
I asked a friend that helped me a lot if she was free this Tuesday.
She and her parents helped me a lot, but I had some suspicions that I set aside because they seemed free giving in general. But then. The friend and I were celebrating New Year's eve 2022 and her mother dropped a line "You guys could marry!"
So they were helping me under the supposition I might be a future daughter in law! (Her brother has a man, so they weren't new to it.)
Not entirely for "oh we need to do this for our conscience", like my friend was saying.
So when they started being fussy about me choosing my own healing instead of going to their Christmas dinner, not being able to budget my trip to them (because I suddenly had an expense for my bike) et cetera, messaged her dad if he can call and he said "I feel like a used napkin!" I went... Okay.
Their behaviour is understandable but I am not someone who has strings attached to her help. They are not my people. While I understand them, and while I feel bad for using their help when I was down, our value systems do not align.
I told her dad what I told her months ago: "if it is too heavy of a burden, supporting me, it's alright. I will manage on my own. I just take the hands I get offered so it happens QUICKER."
And he said something about how it is never too heavy but "he does not feel motivated to help me." Uhh okay then read your Bible Mr. Super religious. Eesh.
Anyway I stopped messaging them because I wanted to thank them only when I am stable back on my feet. And I messaged my friend if she can meet Tuesday evening.
She said "sorry no other prio's" (priorities)
She is the friend I thought was healthiest.
This is NOT behavior I want in my life. Holy shit.
Since those things happened I kept remembering how she pingponged well with my ex and they both seemingly enjoyed me getting upset when they left me out of the conversation.
Jesus I have been surrounding myself with energy costing people. And my mom supported this friendship right. She is from a Good Family (tm) after all. 🙄
Ah well. I am keeping acting naturally to me, going to thank her parents. Her mom didn't give me an address to send them thanks.
My friend once reacted dismissive when I offered to help her when I get back on my feet. So in their eyes, help is a power move.
No wonder I felt like one of their rescue cats when they were helping me.
She and her parents helped me a lot, but I had some suspicions that I set aside because they seemed free giving in general. But then. The friend and I were celebrating New Year's eve 2022 and her mother dropped a line "You guys could marry!"
So they were helping me under the supposition I might be a future daughter in law! (Her brother has a man, so they weren't new to it.)
Not entirely for "oh we need to do this for our conscience", like my friend was saying.
So when they started being fussy about me choosing my own healing instead of going to their Christmas dinner, not being able to budget my trip to them (because I suddenly had an expense for my bike) et cetera, messaged her dad if he can call and he said "I feel like a used napkin!" I went... Okay.
Their behaviour is understandable but I am not someone who has strings attached to her help. They are not my people. While I understand them, and while I feel bad for using their help when I was down, our value systems do not align.
I told her dad what I told her months ago: "if it is too heavy of a burden, supporting me, it's alright. I will manage on my own. I just take the hands I get offered so it happens QUICKER."
And he said something about how it is never too heavy but "he does not feel motivated to help me." Uhh okay then read your Bible Mr. Super religious. Eesh.
Anyway I stopped messaging them because I wanted to thank them only when I am stable back on my feet. And I messaged my friend if she can meet Tuesday evening.
She said "sorry no other prio's" (priorities)
She is the friend I thought was healthiest.
This is NOT behavior I want in my life. Holy shit.
Since those things happened I kept remembering how she pingponged well with my ex and they both seemingly enjoyed me getting upset when they left me out of the conversation.
Jesus I have been surrounding myself with energy costing people. And my mom supported this friendship right. She is from a Good Family (tm) after all. 🙄
Ah well. I am keeping acting naturally to me, going to thank her parents. Her mom didn't give me an address to send them thanks.
My friend once reacted dismissive when I offered to help her when I get back on my feet. So in their eyes, help is a power move.
No wonder I felt like one of their rescue cats when they were helping me.
10 mei 2023
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Krepstix
woensdag 10 mei 2023 11:45
Amazing how people only help others when they think they can benefit from it in the future.. Ask for favors in return or hold it over your head forever.. "Remember that I helped you when you REALLY needed someone!" It is disgusting how people turn away from you if you do not live up to their standards and/or expectations especially when they had so much invested in "being your friend and savior" and expected to get something in return. It is a lesson learned that sucks, but at least now you can see through peoples motives better. Hope you have a nice day despite of all drama 😉
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Krepstix
woensdag 10 mei 2023 11:46
Oh, ik had natuurlijk ook gewoon in het Nederlands kunnen reageren haha 😂 Maar ach, je snapt het wel 🤗
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knowthyself
zaterdag 13 mei 2023 09:01
@Krepstix
Ja, had gekund, maar is prima haha.
"people only help others when they think they can benefit from it in the future" klopt niet echt, want het zijn #nietallemensen
Maar ik ben opgegroeid met gezinsleden die zielige mensen wel alleen maar helpen om hun grootheidswaanzin te voeden dus tuurlijk dat ik daarmee match dan.
Komt goed! -
Krepstix
woensdag 17 mei 2023 16:22
Jaaaa "some people" uiteraard he 😬 Ik verwacht zelf namelijk nooit iets terug voor een goede daad en ben er vrij zeker van dat ook ik een mens ben haha 😂
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