The Last Days

Dear Diary,
Well, this will be made public I suppose. I honestly won't mind comments and such. I just need someone to listen. It began in sixth grade. I didn't reach the average height. I wasn't the smartest nor was I the most attractive. I was shy and quiet. My grades always went downhill and that was me. I had many friends, but only some were able to actually communicate with me. One of my friends started to sit with the boys in the boys table. But only because she liked it better without the drama and because she liked this one specific guy named Steven. One day, I decided to join her because I haven't spoken to her for a while. In a few days, I saw why she decided to stay, so I stayed as well. I came up with these quizzes that people did for fun. I was glad many people liked them. Especially, Steven... whenever he did the quizzes, he never failed to make me laugh. I forgot how, but it did. In English class, we would pass notes and I would always talk about my friend. I pushed him forward, but even while doing that, we joked around in between. He always said "idk" when I told him to talk to my friend. I knew he didn't like her. I knew that he knew. Everyone knew actually. Knowing that, our note-passing thing just became something we did for fun. If I didn't start passing the notes, he did. Then one day, she and I kept forcing him to say who he liked. My friend's feelings for him faded, so she didn't mind this. He didn't say anything, so we stopped and went on with what we did. Later on, we passed notes and he told me, he sort of liked me. I stopped cold. I was surprised, but I composed myself and wrote back as calmly as possible. He just looked at me and I was trying my best not to let anything slip because I liked him too. He eventually found out from my friend and we just started to shun each other. All through seventh grade and until now. We spoke online a lot in seventh grade, but we avoided looking at each other or speaking to each other...as if our presence wasn't there. I was asked out online, but I didn't say anything. I lived my two years in middle school trying to deal with everything because even this came with a lot more than it sounded. In eighth grade, I was asked out again by him but this time, personally. I said "yes," but even that didn't work out because we didn't speak to each other except when we were online. He said we should break up, I agreed, but my feelings for him stayed the same. I knew my feelings grew because when he wasn't there one day, I just didn't feel as happy. He asked me back the next day, I couldn't say anything and until now I still didn't. We have 9 days left before we graduate and never see each other again. We speak or we don't. My friends all tell me, "He loves you. Just talk to him," but 'just talk to him' doesn't work. Overall, I can say... he changed my whole life. I cried a lot, but I smiled too. 9 days left and I'm out of chances. My mind is always filled with him. And I wonder what he thinks about. Does he care? Does he believe we will ever talk again? 9 days is not a lot. Not just about this, but its the amount of days before EVERYONE separates. I wasn't afraid of this for a while. Mainly because I thought there were many many days left, but even so, I was wrong. 2-3 years is not a lot, but a lot can happen. What I want? I want only me and him because I refuse to speak when he is with anyone else. I am shy, so I don't have that nerve..but then again I'm posting this... I know this is long, but to anyone who read this whole thing. Thanks. I really needed someone to read this. Someone to listen..
Sincerely,
Aiko