memories</3

i went into my shrinks yesterday after i had sliced up my wrist. he sat there and said "now kierra why did you do this? why do you resort to self-mutilation?.." i just sat there and said because its the only thing i can really do right i cant do anything right in others eyes and when i do this then....it..it just cuts the memories and the trespasses out for a little while. i love the silence i hate having to hear my self-conscence say "look at that fat-so in the mirror she looked like she weighs 3 tons when in actuality i weigh 98.7 lbs." or the all famous "why the fuck are you still here no one loves you?! your a waste of time love energy space and breath, just go and kill yourself already get it over with; maybe a SMARTER person will take your spot because at least they have a reason to stay" then my shrink looked at me like i had a giant spider on my head, took out a peice of paper and made me read a poem that ripped my heart out stomped on it and made my face get covered with a waterfall of tears. but apparently im suppose to put that on here and share how i feel about it, so fuck the world here it goes:

LEAI FAITH NICOLEBETH PORTS POEM

shine a fake smile....

to bad it wont last, but only sustain for a little while.

no one would ever of predicted it would end this way.

no one would ever hear the voices she kept at bay.

it was he choice, it was her voice.

"it was only a matter of time, oh be still beating heart of mine."

her voice shaken and her hand trembled

"yes, this is my choice"

no one would ever predicted it would end this way.

no one will ever hear the voices she kept at bay.

she shined a fake smile, to bad it sustained only for a little while....




i wrote that poem after my best friend in this world passed away. i said it at her funeral fighting back the tears. how the fuck would this make me treasure life more? this makes me want to just cry in a corner. i miss you lele i miss you with all my heart