Dam you Disney movies .-.
Well I survived and now im at home. If I can even call this a home, its just a temporary place to stay I guess. I was in billing montana on new years eve so I got absolutely drunk as hell trying to drown out the feeling that continued to slowly step from the shadows. Its been 1 year since none of the best friends a person could ask for passed away. Even though he was a dog you won't ever understand until you go through it. I ran home everyday after school drenched in tears and my dog was the only one who cared and the only one who listened so naturally he became my first best friend I have ever had. Then its also my second Christmas without three of my close friends, Leia, Luke, and Liz. I keep thinking that I should join them. I just feel wierd you know? I have dreamed that they were all waiting for me in a halo of light begging for me to join them. I just, I feel so helpless. So I drank until I was numb. Then it was time to go. I just could hear the song from snow white that the little people sing. "He ho, He ho its off to work we go".
I was fine until I walked into the door. My mom just stood there and told me she was sorry for being a horrible mother and making me run off. I remember when I got caught cutting and she actually cried. I KNOW....SCARY. I feel obligated to tell her that im having suicidal thoughts but Im afraid. What if she blames it on herself again? Last time I felt so horrible I couldn't stand myself. I want to tell her but I want her to take me seriously and not blame herself for it. If anyone could please help me it would be very much appreciated. But I hope you all had a really good holiday, until next time.
-cat
I was fine until I walked into the door. My mom just stood there and told me she was sorry for being a horrible mother and making me run off. I remember when I got caught cutting and she actually cried. I KNOW....SCARY. I feel obligated to tell her that im having suicidal thoughts but Im afraid. What if she blames it on herself again? Last time I felt so horrible I couldn't stand myself. I want to tell her but I want her to take me seriously and not blame herself for it. If anyone could please help me it would be very much appreciated. But I hope you all had a really good holiday, until next time.
-cat
03 jan 2014
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