Have you ever wonder..?

I must admit this is a little weird for me to try expressing my thought out online. Don't get me wrong. Personally I'm sought of a talkative person. But my problem is I have these feelings inside me that i kept for no reason. Just by the thought of bursting those words in my minds out is hideous. The fact that I'm writing this today is to express myself without any worries. I just want to let it all out. So here's the story...

Since i grew up I'm the type of girl that full with confidence and would do anything to accomplish ( by anything actually try my ass off) . But then things change. I grew up, experience the thing i never before. Met all sorts of friend you could possibly thing of. One day my friend 'Kat' introduce me to her boyfriend which is 'Steve', whose a party organizer. Then I received tons of invitation for party like 10 a month. But I've never got the consent of my parent to allowed me to go to those party. Well I don't really blame them or wonder why cause gee I was "14" years old. But then how god in favor me. My parent left for their 2nd honeymoon as they called it in europe. So basically i have 1 month off with only Me,Myself and I. Then that night I accidentally clicked on invitation page on facebook. Coincidentally there is a party that night. So I decided to go. After that things have change. I've experienced a side which I'v never before. The excitement, the joyful moment and yet the drunken moment. For a girl like me who basically don't give a s**t about what's evolving me. Then I've turned my self so as they call " PARTY ANIMAL". After partying constantly I met a bunch of new friend and yet I've included in to the group that no one in my city who parties don't know them. we call ourself "PARTY BITCHES" . Then one of the girl in the group which is closet to me decide to crash in at my place. From our reckless and rash decision we party basically every day. Even though we're "UNDER AGE". But guess what not a single club me and "Smiley" can't get in. We had the time of our life. Get to know all the famous people , djs even the manager of the club. I was so f**ked up that I have had a hangover at school. Some time i woke up so damn late i just decide not to go to school. My grade went down like rains trickle down in rainy season. Still do i care? Big word "NO". But then one day i was at the best club in town and suddenly i met my teacher with his girlfriend. I spotted him but I'm sure he never seen me that night. Then the day of karma came, my parent got a call of my school and they went in. The teacher showed the picture of me at that club on facebook! i repeat FACEBOOK! Then I'm basically not better than a corspe, DEAD. I was grounded for months without cell phone ( and yes I was dying) . But my inner thoughts tell me why bother stop partying? Its the fact that who i am. Its what i like. Then when things came back to normal, I decide to snug out again. It went on for months. I had a relationship from partying. Which the matter of fact a nice guy. Not a douche you guys are thinking off. But the type that friends drag them along. I was fortunate. Some how the conscience came back to me. How I "MANAGED" to go to school and my best friends won't talk to me. Obviously they're pissed. So I thought to myself " WHAT IS THE GOOD POINT FOR PARTYING LIKE THAT? WHAT'S THE GOOD POINT OF GETTING LAID? WHAT'S THE GOOD POINT OF DAMAGING MY LIVER AND YES LUNG? WHAT'S THE POINT OF GETTING S**TTY GRADE?". So i changed myself. It's as easy as switching the light off. I'm a straight A's type of student. I want to get accepted in a good college. I want to have a good job. So I decided to stop all of those partying for a while i mean a big while. Now once again I got myself back. I received A in my tests. Got the highest ranked in class. And I'm proud of myself. The point of I'm telling all the " HALL OF SHAME" of myself is people can change , and people can actually have fun while doing good deeds.

Through out tough time my parent and I went through I always wondered "WHY?". I've made them more than proud of me like all the time, still it's not enough for them. I've always wonder what actually draws the line for pleasure? Those story I told , it's exactly why I'm done trying to pleasure anyone but myself. To have that time of my life. People have been saying f**k what other say do what you feel. Go with your heart. But yet when people actually go with their hearts those judgmental look would stare at them like they committed a crime. Things never actually go the way you expected it to be. Their always be the time that you fall down. The time that you think yes it's right for me. But hey theirs always two side of a blank paper. It just depends on which side you like it more or you think its the best side for you. No matter what you do there is always someone who's gonna stand besides you and help you go through it. But I've got to admit those time i spend trashing is the best time of my life even its not even half of my life time. But frankly I never regret making those decisions. It gave me more than excitement. But it gave me EXPERIENCE no one can ever give except myself....