alone....

Now that i am alone to reoccur on my thoughts i finally realize.....i am alone.
i dont have a family or friends i only have people surrounding me picking apart my every flaw making me into a devil when i am just short of a fallen angel. i am standing on the edge of this cloud my mind is screaming "jump!!" my heart is begging to get put out of its misery. just one stumble just one mistake just one submission to fall off this cloud and lose my mind. no one can save me anymore.. I am lost.. i am unforesaken.. i will never find my sanity..i will never feel how it is to smile an actual natural smile..i used to be a living girl.. now when i look in the mirror all i see is a useless waste a meer image of what i used to be only a fraction of what i used to be.. i close my eyes and attempt to make myself wake up and hopefully it all just be a dream.. All i can think of is all my failures shortcomings and what they said.. they all told me to grow a backbone and stand up for myself and what i believe in but as soon as i do they call me names point and laugh. "look what a bitch!!!!" they say.. i just simply said no i didnt say it with an attitude i didnt even say it very loud. i barely spoke all you could really hear is a faint no and my lips move in a unspeakable manner. no one ever knows me.. i am the faceless person unspeakable.. unloved and unwilling to change i am trying to escape from the abuse it isnt working all i can hear is others saying "what a freak!!" i am me i am sorry if you dont like that fact but i cant change it i am alone and broken siting on the ground from the cloud i fell off of. My wings are all but broken my face shows nothing but cascading tears.. I am truly alone..

fakesmiles, vrouw, 30 jaar

• unforgiven donderdag 27 december 2012 18:17
  Cannibal Cathrine it is an honor to greet you too mydiary i have felt as you are feeling now. alone. broken.unloved.undeserving. dont worry everything will prove worth the struggle, "Only in our darkest hour can we find the true light that guides us upon the right path and enlighten our souls. afterall this life is a long and lonely road even when you walk alone." Cannibal Cathrine 11/12/10
  
  -eleye oren
• fakesmiles maandag 31 december 2012 00:39
  Thank you eleye and honestly i could hug you right now for recognizing me when no one else seems able too :3
• mummysad maandag 07 januari 2013 02:14
  I have jed read this n its exactly how I feel right now alone unloved unworthy ungly I look in the mirrow n see nothing apart from hate for the person looking bk at me xx
• fakesmiles dinsdag 08 januari 2013 19:31
  ive been there what seems like forever. i hope you can just stay strong as we all have

• O 13 jan 2014 ...No. Just No..
• O 06 jan 2014 its ok just talkin to myself o.o
• O 03 jan 2014 Dam you Disney movies .-.
• O 24 dec 2013 overcoming my phobia...hopefully
• O 16 dec 2013 just say it already
• O 10 dec 2013 lady bugs are the spawns of Satan -.-
• O 08 dec 2013 you gotta be freakin kidding me -,,-
• O 06 dec 2013 stay silent and trust no one...
• O 12 sep 2013 i hate u for making me ever miss u .-.
• O 10 sep 2013 ...if anyone asks im dead x.x
• O 09 sep 2013 its a lonely road when u know u walk alone
• O 01 aug 2013 no ends loose
• O 13 jul 2013 id give anything about right now
• O 08 jul 2013 new piercing! :)
• O 04 jul 2013 prayer of the unforgotten«3