Please Don't Do This to Me - Emotional Nights

I missed a day! I'm sorry. I was really emotional last night and probably not in a great state of mind to write anything worth reading so I'm going to make it for it in today's entry.

I wore my T-shirt that I bought of C's all day yesterday and it wasn't until the evening set in that I started getting all emotional about it. To make things worse, I also found out that my best friend liked him a little bit too and is considering giving him her number next year. Maybe I'm just really self-conscious or maybe I just care too much, but that really gets to me maybe more than it should. I discussed it with a friend who told me to be careful of her (they know her too) and well, I guess next year really will be the time to speak up. In a way, it makes you realise that sometimes, things like this only happen once and your chance isn't going to be around forever. If you want something, go for it. It's the only way you're going to get it. It's either that or watch somebody else take your place, and that's even more heartbreaking; not even worth thinking about.

I get my emotions out through listening to music. I don't know whether that's a common thing but I just can't seem to cry, no matter how hard I try or how much the tears want to come. I'm not an angry person either. It was raining really heavily outside and I had a cool breeze coming in through my window. I just sat there and listened to songs like "Far Away" and "Savin' Me" by Nickelback as well as songs like "So Far Away" by Red and "Chasing Cars" and "Run" by Snow Patrol. It's the feeling of your heart aching. As much as I don't want to feel it, I always do and it helps at the end of the day. Just being able to fall apart for an hour. It gives you that strength to pretend that everything's okay again next time you have to face people. I really miss him and I have friends warning me against him but you can't help who you fall for can you? Hopefully it's not all bad. I just want my happy ending.


Onto today. my book arrived yesterday! I've spent a part of today reading it and as difficult as it is to read, it's fairly interesting. It's an analysis of serial killing by Ian Brady. I bought it in the hope I might gain some information on the way he thinks. It's been really rainy/thunderstormy here recently. I think we're having a little break from the heatwave we've been having. That is until it starts up again at the end of next week. Never go out in shorts when it's due to rain. I learnt that the hard way today after I got absolutely drenched on the way back from the park which isn't even far away!

355 days to go!
Emily