Magic truffles

This is a short version of what happened to me when I decided to take some magic truffles. Disclaimer: please be careful with drugs, know what you are getting into, and use safely with people you trust.

Studies have been done which seem to show some positive effects of psilocybin on the minds of depressed people. Okay, study, actually. One study of about 14 people, if I recall correctly. I kind of don't care because I'm desperate and willing to try anything to get rid of the depression monster. Thus one afternoon I decided to lock myself up in my bedroom and try some magic truffles.

Things started off slow. It took about 2 hours for the effects to start kicking in. My surroundings began to glow ever so slightly. Then the sound of the rain became ever more pleasing to my ears. And then, the covers of the books on my nightstand started to come alive; it was as if Aslan himself was going to jump out at me. All of this was nice, but all in all I was rather disappointed. Where was the profound spiritual insight I was promised? The solution to my problems? The door in my mind that would open and show me the way?

Melancholic, I laid down on my bed. And then I heard it. I heard a voice in my mind. It said, loud and clear: "Here's your fucking door". I closed my eyes, and walked through my mind's door. I found myself in a playground, and immediately located myself in my elementary school. I was a spectator looking at myself at nine years old talking to some classmates. I couldn't hear what I was saying, but I could feel my nine year old self's feelings as clearly as I had felt them the day this incident would have happened. Self-doubt, rejection, loneliness, shame. I could feel tears sliding down my face in reality. I had seen enough. I opened my eyes. I quickly grabbed pen and paper and wrote down how I felt, as I cried deeply. It was time for the trip to calm down. I turned on some music, had a snack - the texture in my mouth was fabulous - and then decided to nap through the rest of my journey, to avoid any more negativity.

This experience made me realize that there is trauma etched very deeply into my soul. I'm not sure what this means or how I'm supposed to go on with this information.