Ivanescencesfromnorthtosouth&westtoeastvviaviagraf


People said,
and it was true when I saw him,
that the Baptist wore but one small wrapping of camel's hide
to conceal
his loins.

He was
so naked to the sun
that he looked darker
than any of his visitors,
a thin man with
a thin beard.

I had also heard
how he believed that meat and wine
inspire demons to live in one's body;
therefore he ate nothing but wild honey and locusts,
the porest food
of the poor.

Yet it was said
that these locusts
could devour
all the disbelief in the hearts
of those who came
to Yochanan.

And the wild honey
gave warmth to his voice
when he spoke the words of
Yeshayahu:
"'The crooked shall be made straight
and the rough ways
made smooth.'"

Yet
I had also been told
that the locusts he ate
kept him harsh in spirit and he would greet penitents by saying:
"Generation of vipers, who has warned you to flee
from the wrath
to come?"

The people
would ask:
"What shall we
do?"

And
Yochanan the Baptist would answer:
"Let him who has two coats give one to the man who has none."
And he would always speak of the man
mightier than himself who was
yet to come.

Yet when I first
saw his face, I wished to hide my own.
For I knew that he would not be long among us.
And I knew this as if I heard a beating of
wings overhead.

I had joined
a group of many people and so
I could stare at Yochanan before he saw me
and was able to watch the pilgrims
as they were baptized
and departed.

I remained.

Even
in the loneliness of this place in the desert,
he still could not see me, for I concealed myself in the shadow
of a rock.

It was only
when the others were gone
and the stones were hot from the sun that I came forward.
To which he said, "I have waited
for you."

His eyes
had more light than the sky,
yet they were paler than
the moon.

His thin beard was long.
The hair that grew from his ears was matted,
and so too was the hair that grew
from his cheeks.

A wing
and a leg of a locust were caught in his beard.
I wondered how this man who bathed others
and washed himself many times a day
could still show
such leavings.

Yet it was
not unfitting.

His face was
like a ravine and small creatures would live within.
Looking at me, he said, "You are my cousin."
Then he said, "I knew that you would come today."
"How can you
know?"

He sighed.

His breath
was as lonely as the wind that passes
through empty places.
He said, "I have been told to wait for you, and I am tired.
It is good that you are here."
I felt so near to him that I soon confessed
my sins ~

I had never done
as much for another.
I would have deemed it belittling
to whatever pride I had had as a man.
{For my sins were too small.}
I might be a master carpenter
and thirty years of age,
but I felt young before him,
and modest and
much too innocent
for such a
grave man.

I searched to find
evil in myself and came back with no more
than moments I could recall of disrepect toward my mother
and contests in the night with lustful thoughts.
Perhaps there had been a few acts of unkindness
when judging others.
"Well," he said, "you can still repent.
Our sin is always more
than we know."

And Yochanan
came behind me
as I entered the water,
and with the strength of a desert lion,
he seized me by the nose and,
with his other hand pressing upon my forehead,
thrust me back
into the river.

Passing quickly from air
to water,

I gasped
first at my loss of breath and then from all the water
I swallowed.
Still, in this moment
I saw many things, and my life was changed forever.
Was the Holiest descending toward us in the shape
of a dove?

And when I came up
from the water, the dove was on my shoulder.
I felt as if much had come back to me
from all that had been lost.
I was one again with myself ~ a poor man,
but good.

And then
I felt more. I had a vision of glory.
The heavens opened for an instant
and it was as if I saw a million, nay, a million million of souls.
I heard a voice, and it came
from the heavens.

It came
into my ear
and said:

"Before I
formed thee in the belly, I knew thee."
Fear and exaltation were in me then,
and in greater measure than I had ever known.
I raised my face to the heavens and said, Lord G*D,
I am like a child."

And
the Lord spoke
as He had to the prophet Yirmeyahu.
I heard: "Say not 'I am a child,' for you shall go to all places
that I shall send
thee."

And I felt
as if His finger
blessed my mouth even as the beak of the dove touched my lips.
His Word came into me
like the burning fire in my bones when I was twelve and
sick with fever.

Now Yochanan
withdrew his hand
from my head and we stood in the river.
Away went the dove.
And Yochanan and I spoke to each other a little.
I will tell of that,
and soon.

But when I left,
I knew I would never see him again.
He began to sing as I left,
but it was to the River Yardeen,
not to me.

And the taste
of that brown river
was still in my mouth and the dust of the desert
in my nostrils as I set out
on my long march home
to Nazareth.



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engel
13 sep 2004 - bewerkt op 01 feb 2008 - meld ongepast verhaal
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