sunday, June 19 2022.

heyy,

this is my first time writing on this website. I don't know if I'm gonna keep up, but I'll try my best

today it's sunday June 19 2022. and my life is a mess at the moment. I hope nobody that I know will read anything that I write on here, but just to make sure no one knows what and who I'm talking about I will use random names when I'm writing about people.

today my grandma introduced me to i think it's called bach flower remedies. I had to pick flowers that I really liked. I chose 5 flowers. I think the flowers or plants i chose were pine, hornbeam, impatiens, sweet chestnut and holly. i think there were 38 flowers i could choose from and i picked the 5 that attracted me the most. mine meant that I was jealous, felt left out, felt guilty, was mentally exhausted, felt hopeless, felt lonely and I felt anger. I feel like it's pretty accurate which I thought was kinda scary. how can flowers describe my feelings. my grandma and aunt made a thing for me with drops of the flowers and plants. I have to take these like 4 times a day, but sometimes I might need more. I'm new to this so if you have any tips please let me know!

today was father's day... I haven't really spoke to my dad in a couple months and I didn't really know what to do today. I felt very clueless. I wrote him a simple message saying: "happy father's day ". he responded with: "thank you". that was our whole conversation.
I did go to my grandpa's which was fun, but for some reason I couldn't stop crying today... so I felt like I was ruining the mood.

I was scrolling on instagram and I saw a picture of my dad... my stepmom posted a picture of him holding a price with the caption: "happy father's day sweetheart! Champion bowling of the business yesterday. Next year champion for our little sprout!" I instantly started crying again. I don't wanna ruin the relationship they're gonna have with the new baby but at the same time I wanna protect the baby from my dad his anger at night. I talked to my therapist about it and we are working on it. I just don't want to take away my dad's happiness... and I have such mixed feelings about it.

you know maybe one day I will tell the whole story about my dad, but for now I think I've talked enough about him.

well now talk about relationship drama. so because y'all don't know me I'll introduce you to my current love life. I'm currently a single bisexual girl. I had a boyfriend, but he broke up with me tuesday may 17 2022. I felt very empty which I think is normal during a breakup. he and I still talked while I was trying to get over him. we broke up 1 month ago so it's still kinda fresh. but this week he told me he regrets breaking up with me which gave me hope. now I see a chance for us to get back together. but I think he needs to figure out his feelings and I want to give him my full support in that. It's hard for me but I just want him to be happy and if he needs time to figure out what he's feeling than that's okay. we are planning to hang out soon tho so that's a good thing I guess.

I think that's all my stuff for today and if there's more you'll see it

I hope you have a nice day and sleep well

thank you for reading