LOL im the sick one? :o

my best friend or what i had called my best friend likes to "pretend" and honestly hannah i know you are reading this scrounging for fuel to keep on your " get kierra crusade" this is just what i want you to know:

DEAR HANNAH,
i used to think of you as one my best friends, i always believed we were secret sisters when we were in elementary...now you sit there and say IM the sick one, hannah open up your fucking eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE ALL FUCKING SICK but nooooo u are so fucking perfect remember?! i dont bring up how your family didnt want you so you went into foster care! but noooooo you have to bring up how MY mom doesnt luv me and how MY dad doesnt love me and how I cut because YOU say that your going to. LISTEN TO MY MOTHERFUCKING WORDS!!!!!!!!!!! I CUT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION NOT BECAUSE YOU SIT THERE PLAYING COPY-CAT, I DO IT BECAUSE IT MAKES THE PAIN THE MUTALATIONS OF MY MIND DISAPPEAR FOR A FEW BLESSED MOMENTS! I FUCKIN HATE MY LIFE I HATE MAKING OTHERS FEEL THEY COULD OF HELPED ME! I HOLD IT ALL IN FOR A FUCKING REASON!!!!!! I GUESS BECAUSE I TRUSTED YOU ENOUGH TO LET YOU IN IM PAYING FOR IT FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU HANNAH I USED TO CALL YOU A FRIEND DO YOU HAVE ANY ENTIRE FUCKING IDEA HOW MUCH I HAVE TO FIGHT MYSELF TO LET OTHERS IN OR TO ATLEAST SIT THERE AND TALK TO SOMEONE?!!!!!!!!?!!!!! YOU SIT THERE LIKE A "PERFECT LITTLE GOODY-GOODY-TWO-SHOES" YOU DO THE SAME EXACT SHIT I DO GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF. IM SITING IN THE CORNER THANKS TO YOU I FOUND MY FUCKING END IT NOTE I THINK I JUST MIGHT DO IT BECAUSE NOW YOU ENDED EVERY SINGLE FRIENDSHIP I EVER HAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ALREADY CUT MY RIBS TO SHREADS BEFORE, BUT NO NO IM STRONGER THAN THIS REMEMBER? RECITE YOUR MAGIC ENCANTATIONS AND YOU'LL BE JUST FINE!!! THE FUCK I WILL IM TIRED OF THIS I CUT MY FUCKING MEMORIES OUT ONCE GUESS IM GOING TO JUST DO IT AGAIN!!!!! THANKS AGAIN HANNAH FOR BEING MY LAST REASON TO LEAVE THIS FUCKING SHITHOLE OF A WORLD!!!!!!!

fakesmiles, vrouw, 30 jaar

• Numbed maandag 05 november 2012 19:19
  omg babes, please don't think like that. There's always at least someone who loves you, who really cares about you. I'd care if you thought about comitting suicide. Never give up babe.
• inluvwith2 maandag 05 november 2012 20:27
  Friends who would leave you over what someone else said are not real friends at all.. I knew a girl who did something simular to me a few years back and for a while I had no one but then one of my friends who she had poisoned against me realized that I am me and have always been true to her and that she knew I was not the way the other girl portrayed me and me and her are still friends today.. I used to cut.. and I still think about it to be honest... but beleive me... the scares from that cause more pain then the memories ever could... they make you remember how weak you were at one point.. and make you see that you almost gave up. It takes a strong person to stop that shit... and you may not care at all for my opinion but I know that at seems there is no end to the sorrow or the black hole that seems to be eating you up ( thats how I saw it... I was being swallowed by darkness, and lonelyness) but there is an end, it just takes strength and time.
• SAMMYbear dinsdag 06 november 2012 00:19
  Their right nomo....dont do any of it. you are one of the most wonderful amazig girls i hav ever had the pleasure of knowing. nomo i luv u so very much and i hope you read this before its too late. and honestly i know dylan will be absolutely crushed if you do
• fakesmiles dinsdag 06 november 2012 12:46
  i called my shrink at the last minute they just stood there amazed i didn't do anything more than just a few cuts. the last time i was sent in there i had 47 stitches holding me together and if i laughed or smiled then those stitches would break and id be on the ground in pieces, sorta like how my heart is right now
• inluvwith2 dinsdag 06 november 2012 19:11
  I am glad to hear that you made it through mostly unscathed. You remind me of myself when I was younger... and I remember how hard it can be to hold back.
• fakesmiles woensdag 07 november 2012 15:38
  its just really hard not to when your surrounded by the words circling your head telling you your not good enough
• inluvwith2 zondag 11 november 2012 08:50
  I remember those... I wrote poems about them..
  Breaking Im broken Im falling apart
  There goes my mind, there goes my heart
  Tripping Im falling, running from fears
  I shake at the sight of all these tears
  I can't stand breaking one more day
  and happiness is just a few cuts away
  
  I wrote that when I was 14 years old. Now. I am happy, married, and though I still have issues in my life I know I will be ok...
  Ik its hard to look past and to drown out the bad... but you will be so proud of yourself when you do, and when you are happy again you will realize how strong you are, and were to get through it
• fakesmiles maandag 12 november 2012 15:40
  im trying to write down all my thoughts, no mattter how much it hurts. i just cant get passed what is burned into my brain. my life is just made up of people who use and hurt me. their words are burned into my mind how can i foreget them? everytime i get feeling happy i turn around and there are all the hurtful things ever said to me circling me then they come to me and tell me im not right that i should be put in a nut house. they are the ones who made me this way... the first time i ever cut was because i had lost all faith and my friends or who i called friends ridded themselves of me and my parents told me to just end it because they didnt care anymore. i was so hurt and now everytime that i am happy i think back to that moment and how i felt. i cant get passed it, how can you get passed it i need to know its eating me alive

• O 03 nov 2012 ...times lik these i need a ciggarette
• O 02 nov 2012 a bittersweet udderance of useless sylabols   ( 3 )
• O 31 okt 2012 last nite=the worst nite of my life
• O 30 okt 2012 a beautiful dream«3   ( 2 )
• O 29 okt 2012 just another day in hell   ( 3 )