invisible even though im standing infront of you..

Ive been thinking..i know scary thought...but ive been thinking about why i believe that i have to be the perfect prim and proper young lady. why should i continue to try if im already getting credit for all the bad things that arent true? i went on a date with sammy two days ago and i met his parents for the first time. his mom didnt even give me a chance. just called me a hore as if i wasnt there. She just looked at the scars on my arm the way i look and the way i dressed. i didnt even get to say a hello maam or hi sir to anyone before they judged me for the troubled youth that was an infection that HAD to be controlled and quarentened. i really an not that bad of a person honestly i get a bad rep before i can even say a word. yes i was troubled in my assinine youth i used to play with the idea of suicide as if it was the best thing ever, like a little kid dreaming of a present on christmas day. i have much changed from that person i realize the value of my life and how much me sustaining the pain is to others aslong as i can fake a smile. i used to fake a smile at school everyday and when i came home the angry words of my frustration and what others have said about me just built up and i let it out in the way that i could not only hurt myself but everyone who was around me. my heart was scarred and i was bound and determined to make my body the same way. i took it badly when i was younger. being judged just it hurt more then what i would ever show i cant help but to think back to that after the whole night of being judged in the most horrible manner. he looked me in the eyes when we were at the movie and all i could do was resort back to the way i used to act. i just faked a smile and said nothings wrong dont worry....theres somethings that i wish could just die away i wish that my self defense would just disappear into a cloud of dust. but no matter what i do im judged i feel so misunderstood people dont even really get to know me but all you gotta do is just sit there and listen not make me out to be the disease that must be killed. i am not the person you judge me to be just listen for once and you will see me for me.
Im invisible even though im right infront of your eyes v.v

fakesmiles, vrouw, 30 jaar

• unforgiven zaterdag 08 juni 2013 21:15
  I haven't cried that hard since the end of titanic!! ''(
• fakesmiles maandag 10 juni 2013 02:39
  Lol im sorry xP
• TheMask maandag 10 juni 2013 04:00
  Hi, it's me again, that creepy kid who stalks your diary now. I can't say I've been in your situation, but I can relate to being judged before others know the slightest thing about you, it sucks, terribly, sadly all you can do is stick around and listen to those who know you, and if you don't have anyone, you simply have to try not to forget who you are and what you stand for, you must aspire to become something greater then what they claim you to be, above all, just understand that they're wrong, because of course, they are.

• O 04 jul 2013 thank you for makin tht nice n awkward O.O
• O 24 jun 2013 at sammys house
• O 20 jun 2013 snapped.
• O 13 jun 2013 tireeeeeeedddddddd x-x
• O 08 jun 2013 invisible even though im standing infront of you..   ( 3 )
• O 06 jun 2013 believe..   ( 2 )
• O 06 jun 2013 another disappointment yupp thats me   ( 4 )
• O 03 jun 2013 that kinda funny feeling ya know? ;/   ( 1 )
• O 01 jun 2013 so happy i sqealed :DDD   ( 4 )
• O 31 mei 2013 just plain out fuck.my.life. -,,-   ( 2 )
• O 24 mei 2013 dead lullabys..
• O 19 mei 2013 have a nice day?!?!?! fuck u duschbag!!!!!!!!!!!!!   ( 4 )
• O 11 mei 2013 am i a bad person? :l
• O 19 apr 2013 ...one word....wall-rhape :P
• O 16 apr 2013 about in tears