* Half-hearted
I’m not a big fan of “half-hearted”…
Yet here I am, half-heartedly playing the piano (and singing). Trying to re-ignite the spark. My spark. My core being. My passion.
It stopped burning and flowing, you see. Now I’m feeling stuck, somewhere in between exhaustion and grief.
Is it ok, this half-heartedness?
Because resulting music sucks. Makes me feel even worse. Broken beyond repair. A fraud?
More grief -even that which defines me (or what used to define me; my music, my passions for music and connecting with people through music) seems to be lost.
What is left.. of me?
Maybe I have to just keep trying for a bit, the half-heartedness and all, get “back into the groove” or something.
Just like my writing (here), which has changed so drastically (too) over the past months. Is that also something I’m missing now for my head(space) even though energy to write seems lacking? Might be a good to start journaling again. If I can find a place to start.
Yet there is talk of willpower, inner (core) strength, resilience. Qualities attributed to me, that feel and sound so alien at this point in time. Not feeling it.
And this; yet another half-hearted try at something I (used to) love doing..
*LilAngel
Yet here I am, half-heartedly playing the piano (and singing). Trying to re-ignite the spark. My spark. My core being. My passion.
It stopped burning and flowing, you see. Now I’m feeling stuck, somewhere in between exhaustion and grief.
Is it ok, this half-heartedness?
Because resulting music sucks. Makes me feel even worse. Broken beyond repair. A fraud?
More grief -even that which defines me (or what used to define me; my music, my passions for music and connecting with people through music) seems to be lost.
What is left.. of me?
Maybe I have to just keep trying for a bit, the half-heartedness and all, get “back into the groove” or something.
Just like my writing (here), which has changed so drastically (too) over the past months. Is that also something I’m missing now for my head(space) even though energy to write seems lacking? Might be a good to start journaling again. If I can find a place to start.
Yet there is talk of willpower, inner (core) strength, resilience. Qualities attributed to me, that feel and sound so alien at this point in time. Not feeling it.
And this; yet another half-hearted try at something I (used to) love doing..
*LilAngel
29 jan 2026
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